Someone stole my garbage can. Odd. Are they that expensive? I think I paid $11.96 at Wal-Mart. So here I am left wondering… what is the culprit going to do with their newfound container? I’m assuming they have several options at their disposal. They could keep the can and treat it as if it were their own, filling it with trash each week and proudly displaying it on their curb. Or they could sell it on E-bay. Heck, that’s $11.96 they didn’t have before, and what an unusual Item Description… “Slimy, Stench-filled, Used Garbage Can - Lid Included.” Or – the most unlikely response – they could mysteriously return the can with an apology note attached, “With deepest regrets over snatching your pail.” I won’t hold my breath.Or, here’s another possibility. Do you think the garbage collector could have thrown the can in on accident? You’ve seen how fast they travel down the streets - hopping off their trucks, swooping up the cans, hurling the trash over the edge, and driving off. A collector could have swung too hard, lost his grip, or let go too soon, flinging the whole can absentmindedly over the edge to its fateful demise. Crunch. Gulp. Smoosh. My ever-so-faithful plastic container now flattened to an ineffectual state. Gone forever.
Whatever factors contributed to the can’s disappearance, one thing is certain. I must travel tomorrow (or sometime before Friday) down to Wal-Mart and purchase a replacement can. Prior to this unfortunate incident, I would have considered investing in a more durable, more expensive can, but now I think I better stick with my $11.96 purchase price, because eventually it too will vanish.
If you know the whereabouts of my garbage can, please respond immediately. Your tip could keep this thief off the streets for good. Your identity will remain completely confidential and if your tip leads to a suspect's arrest, you may be rewarded.
2 comments:
Maybe your trash is being sifted through by one of those magazines that print things like I married an alien.
Perhaps you are under invstigation by the FBI and they are combing your trash for evidence.
Perhaps after the trash was dumped the wind blew your trash can to Kansas.
Perhaps your trash can fits the motif of a new home owner in your neighborhood.
The options are endless.
Enjoy shopping for your new trash can.
I had not considered such options. Paranoia is setting in.
I've already begun investigating my neighborhood. Friday I scanned the area, thinking my can could have blown down the street, but all was clear. This week I'll be looking for any neighbors who suspiciously have a new can identical to the one I previously possessed. Who knows? Maybe next week I'll start questioning.
But... what if it is a magazine whose scrounging up dirt on me? What strange story will come of it? Do you think they'll find out I'm... (made you wonder, didn't I?)
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